Done! [22 May 2004|12:34pm] Current location: Mary Lyon Dorm PC Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 11/10 pgs, done FREN025 short - 6/5 pgs, done! Mental condition: So happy. So happy. So happy. So tired. They're done. I'm going home. 4 comments|post comment

Sleep is for sissies [22 May 2004|09:28am] Current location: Mary Lyon Dorm PC Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 11/10 pgs, done FREN025 short - 3/5 pgs Mental condition: Here we go, AL-EX, here we go! (Clap clap) Here we go, AL-EX here we go! (Clap clap) I partook in sissydom for a good four hours (5:00-9:00 am) and now I'm back to work again. I feel like I say this every time I'm in the middle of a paper, but I just need to write about one more scene and that's it. Maybe I'll even tie it all together with an introduction or conclusion, but that's only if I have time. And it seems like no matter what I do, no matter what arrangements I make or are made for me, I always fill the time I am given. It's hard to believe that it has almost taken me an entire extra week to finish. I'm such a terrible student. But I should not be surprised, since I have been an entire week behind in my classes all semester. I would very much like to know how that happened... post comment

I may be a hobo, but I'm also an idiot [22 May 2004|02:37am] Current location: Mary Lyon Dorm PC Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 11/10 pgs, done FREN025 short - 2/3-5 pgs, unedited Mental condition: See subject line above. After six days of confining myself in the library until 2:00 am each night and then admitting defeat and returning to Mary Lyon to do nothing but sleep, I finally discovered this evening that there's been a public PC sitting right here in Mary Lyon the whole time. I should note, though, that I discovered this only after breaking into Parrish, Willets, and Mertz and finding no PCs, because either they've been removed or never had any. I am such a fool. Also, my junked up circadian rythms have prevented me from falling asleep until at least 3:30 every night, which half-explains why I can't get up and out until at least 11:30 each morning. If I had just known this PC was here, I could have spared myself hours of misery and frustration. I could be home by now. Admittedly, if I had never started this weblog, I could have spared myself hours of misery and frustration and gone home by now as well, but then I wouldn't have been able to share those hours of misery and frustration with the rest of you. And misery loves company. Take for instance, right now. I have done nothing but write weblogs and walk around campus and break into dorms for an entire hour. I could be home by now. I suppose it's time for more drinkin' and stabbin'. And workin'... post comment

Never give up [22 May 2004|01:48am] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 11/10 pgs, done FREN025 short - 2/3-5 pgs, unedited Mental condition: Predictably unstable. This will probably be my last post from this location. I may be the only person in the library at this hour, but I'm just getting started. In one last desperate act of hoboness, I'm going to look around campus for an available PC to use. I would use my roommate's Mac, but I need certain language software, which admittedly he also has. But I am also used to working on PCs, and I would rather not hinder my progress trying to figure out how to make French accents on certain characters and whatnot. So dear computer in back right corner of the PC lab, I bid you fond farewell, and hope that we may meet again next year. Actually, I hope I never see you again in my life. Okay, that's not true, we've definitely grown attached over the last few days. Wait, what am I saying? You're the bane of my existence! I didn't mean it, seriously, I... well, I love you. But I also love hanging out with friends, and my parents when they're not really super pissed at me, and sleep, and well... all sorts of stuff that you just can't offer. I'm sorry little PC, but that was the last buzzer of the night, it's time for me to go... post comment

One more to go [21 May 2004|02:44pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 11/10 pgs, done FREN025 short - 0/3-5 pgs (I'm probably going to shoot for the minimum this time around) Mental condition: "I'm going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it, it's repulsive. I must get out of here. I must get free. And in this mind is the key, my key." I have booked my flight home for tomorrow at 4:30 pm. And I swear to God, I'm getting on that damn plane. My high school is putting on a play tomorrow evening, and I plan to attend. I finally have a due date, an ultimate due date, and if it's not done, it's not done... 2 comments|post comment

My stomach's gonna blow! [20 May 2004|08:04pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 8.5/10 pgs FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs Mental condition: Cheese in my brain. Zack surprised me by driving down from Upper Darby or wherever he lives and taking me out to dinner. We picked up Andy, Skemer, and Marc from Mary Lyon and headed over to Iron Hill Brewery, where I consumed an entire plate of nachos almost all by myself. Now those 6 1/2 pounds of congealed cheese are slowly oozing into every part of my body, so I probably will not have to eat until I go home, and I will probably not go home because I am physically incapable of moving from this chair. At least I might get some work done. As for the paper, I'm screwed. I was just about to analyze the last and final scene when I thought to myself, quite stupidly, "Maybe I should go watch that scene again to make sure my notes are correct." In the process of fast-forwarding to said scene, I came across the other two scenes that I had already written about and found out that I had completely messed them up. So now I'm going back over all the work I've already done. It's going to be a long night, or at least as long as the library stays open, so I figured I'd give myself the extra .5 pages for moral support. Also, I am officially out of cash except for some small change (totally $1.11) at this moment, due to the Iron Hill feast. I know many of you were thinking of tracking me down and stealing my money, so this may come as bad news to you. I also stabbed Zack this evening, thereby fulfilling my hobo duty to stab and/or drink. Now, to make this paper beg for mercy the way I'm begging for mercy from my stomach... 2 comments|post comment

Monotony [20 May 2004|01:29pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 8/10 pgs FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs Mental condition: Malaise. You know, when I first started this whole hobo thing several days ago, I was pretty certain I was in for a wild ride. I mean, every meal would be an adventure, even finding a place to sleep would be exciting. But it's become monotonous very quickly. It's hardly worth informing the world of my progress every hour, on the hour, since there's rarely anything new to say. My daily routine is to wake up at about 10:30 or 11:00, procrastinate for two hours, eat a pitiful lunch at Tarble or Kohlberg, stare a computer screen until about 6, round up a meager dinner, return to the computer screen and maybe, just maybe type some stuff, and then go back to Mary Lyon to sleep again. There, now you don't even need to read my blog, since you know exactly what I will be doing at any given time of the day. I bet real hobos have more fun. I really want this thing to be over now... 4 comments|post comment

Is Andrew Gregory a man? [20 May 2004|11:21am] Current location: Mary Lyon 4306 Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 8/10 pgs, so damn close FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs Mental condition: Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright... okay now ladies! The question of the ages: Is Andrew Gregory a man? The answer: No, Andrew Gregory is THE man. Because who else would stop by McCabe at 1:30 in the morning and drop off a delicious Molson Golden to his buddy in need? No one, no one but Andrew Gregory. In other news, the Hoboponcho (tm) became an excellent brown paper bag replacement, so that if stopped by an officer of the law on my way back to Mary Lyon, I could simply say, "But officer, I ain't got no beer! How can a stinky, underage hobo like me afford any beer? All's I gots is this darn stinky garbage bag/Hoboponcho (tm), and it's one-time-use-only. But if you do find someone with a beer, you know where to find me. Just check my hoboblog at http://www.livejournal.com/users/alexthehobo/." Unfortunately, I never had such an opportunity. The paper must be done today. It's very close. Originally I was going to compare two films, "Touki Bouki" and "La Petite Vendeuse de Soleil," but I don't have room, and I'm lazy and slow, so although I preferred the second one infinitely more than the first, I don't really know what I would write about it. In a sense, I just cut my work in half. Boo yah! That's almost the mathematical equivalent of writing two papers in the time it takes to write one! Except that would have been a lot better. I just heard someone go into the bathroom across the hall. I was going to go into the bathroom across the hall. This sucks. I guess I'll just have to start working on my paper and/or determine where, when, and how I will be eating today... post comment

A boy and his blog [19 May 2004|07:43pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 5/10 pgs FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs Mental condition: Why oh why am I so darn slow? While trying to find someone to eat with this evening, I ended up running into Andy, Skemer, and Marc, who pointed out that Sharples was open to anyone for Spring Phling today. I immediately rushed down and snuck in the back entrance, but since it was already 7:00, I was only able to find some fruit and pretzels. Both, however, were delicious. I also acquired some orange juice, which was very pleasant to my palette. Afterwards, I ran into the HoboHunter, Mac, and Gerrit, and listened as they talked of days of yore. The paper writing is coming along very slowly. I'm writing about a film that I did not like and trying to figure out why I did not like it, and the whole time I'm thinking, "Why don't I just write about something fun, like the origins of the French language?" I would very much like to finish this essay before I have to leave the library tonight, which gives me six hours to write five pages. But if that's what it's going to take, then that's what it's going to take... 7 comments|post comment

Hoboponcho [19 May 2004|03:11pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: Moments, literally moments away from working on them. Mental condition: Spirits are lifting. Well kids, it's about that time again for Alex the Hobo's invention of the day! Yesterday, he treated you to an introduction to his patented Hobophones (tm), and today you'll find out about another one of his great offers. Ever wonder what happens to hobos when it rains? Most hobos simply melt, but Alex the Hobo is no ordinary hobo. He's also a genius. Henceforth, when Alex the Hobo noticed that it was raining outside today (only after taking a shower, unfortunately), he immediately leapt to the nearest large relatively clean trash bag he could find, which happened to be lying right outside his room. With a few swift snips and tucks, he had in mere seconds invented the... HOBOPONCHO (tm) Made of clear plastic trashbag material, the Hoboponcho (tm) has openings for not only your head, but also BOTH arms. And, most miraculously of all, the Hoboponcho (tm) even has a HOOD! Now you're probably thinking, "Wait a second, that sounds like a normal poncho!" But keep in mind, all hobo inventions must only be half-effective. Therefore, the trash bag... I mean, Hoboponcho (tm)... is only long enough to cover the top half of your body. My shorts got soaked on the walk to campus, and believe it or not, it wasn't out of fear of my professors! Finally, the Hoboponcho (tm) is one-time-use-only! After walking around in the rain for a good fifteen minutes, the neck out will have ripped itself open so far that it becomes practically unusable! Order now! Prices range from $3.25 to a small pizza from Acapulcos. Again, only one in stock. Though I thought that the invention of the Hoboponcho would undoubtably be the most exciting event of the day, I was once again mistaken. After finding both Sharples and Tarble closed at 2:30, I hoboed over to the Kohlberg Coffee Bar (where I was apparently spotted), and bought myself two pieces of delicous fruit, a bagel and cream cheese, and even an Orangina, all for the small price of only $3.25. If someone buys my Hoboponcho, I'll break even! Furthermore, when I approached the woman at the coffee bar to beg for an extra packet of cream cheese, she also gave me an extra bagel for free! This didn't really solve my cream cheese problem, since one packet was not sufficient to cover one single bagel, it was unlikely that two packets would cover two bagels, but hey, it was free! I am now well-fed, well-dried (from the waist up, at least) and ready to pump this baby out... 2 comments|post comment

[19 May 2004|12:56pm] Current location: Mary Lyon 4306 Paper status: Whatever. Mental condition: I'm so just about to get out of here. Apparently, Swarthmore's administration is much more interested in their students' lives than at NYU where a student was able to live in the library for months before the school caught him and gave him free housing. I just received the following e-mail from none other than Myrt Westphal: "Dear Alex, the word in blog land is that you are camping out in unofficial residences when you should be off campus. We don't mind having you around during the day and doing work, but you may not spend nights in libraries, lounges, etc. You need to find a legal sleeping location at a friend's home, on or off campus. If you are found to be violating the residence rules you could find yourself in worse trouble. So please finish your tasks and find a legal home! thanks, myrt" Luckily, I'm not in violation, since I'm staying with Andy in Mary Lyons, but it seems word spreads pretty fast, at least in "blog land." Now, to find something to eat. I figure I can splurge a bit today since I ate nothing but some Tostitos, salsa, a pumpernickel bagel, a sugar-coated doughnut, a Baby Ruth, and a Big Kit Kat yesterday, totally $1.20 out of my pocket. Protein, yeah protein would be nice... 3 comments|post comment

Agony [19 May 2004|11:52am] Current location: Mary Lyon 4306 Paper status: They're still just sitting there, right where I left them. Mental condition: It's times like these when I could kill a man just to watch him die. Although I've joked about it before, I'm now convinced that I'm the worst student at Swarthmore. There's no reason at all why it should take me nine or ten hours just to write four meagre pages, even in French. I'm been telling myself all year that I just procrastinated too much or that I had too much work, but it turns out I'm just plain slow. How did this happen? How did I become a bad student? I'm putting all my chips on the notion that going to Senegal will restart my engine next semester, but if it doesn't, I could be totally screwed. In other news, while trying desperately to fall asleep last night but not succeeding, I resorted to wearing my pair of Hobophones to keep out the noise of Andy's snoring. But more importantly, while wearing the Hobophones, I came up with a brilliant plan to build an amazingly smooth and versatile tracking system for my video camera. Here's a step-by-step look at the plan: 1. Go home. 2. Build tracking system. 3. Make sweet Kung Fu films. I'm still stuck on step number 1... post comment

About to be booted from McCabe [19 May 2004|01:47am] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 4/10 pgs FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs Mental condition: Ready to rock, or ready for bed. I can't say this evening has been wholly unproductive, nor can I say it's been wholly productive either. I was able to spit out a mere four pages during the nine hours crammed in here. Oh woe is me. I have to admit, I slept at least an hour and a half on the second floor couch while holding my notebook on my lap so passers-by would think I dozed off while studying. Passers-by are so stupid, they fall for that trick every time. I always like to tell myself that at least I get the hard part out of the way first. For instance, when I finally finished the introductory paragraph to this most recent paper after several hours of staring at my notes, and then at the computer screen, and then back at my notes, I congratulated myself for getting the hardest part done first and then took a break. Now that I'm in the analysis section, I feel I may have deceived myself. Well, one of the librarian staff just told me to get the heck out, and what's that I hear? Oh yeah, the final buzzer tone of the night. So, hopefully, and I really mean it, tomorrow will be a brand new day... 2 comments|post comment

Hobophones (tm) [18 May 2004|05:01pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: I'm getting there. I swear I'll start writing them in like, five, maybe ten, minutes. Mental condition: Pucking fumped. By now you may be wondering, "How will I recognize Alex the Hobo around campus when I see him?" You might also be asking yourself, "If Alex the Hobo has a portable MP3 player to store his files, how does he listen to music?" Finally, you may be pondering, "What exactly has Alex the Hobo been doing all day if he hasn't been writing his papers?" Well folks, all of these questions and more can be answered with one quick and easy response: HOBOPHONES (tm) If you read my post from May 17 at 2:09 am, you would know that I acquired a pair of broken headphones and some noise cancelling earmuffs from a trashbin outside my dorm room. Well, I got it into my head this morning that these two seemingly useless items could be combined to make the most hobo-riffic device ever invented by a hobo. I began taking apart the broken headphones with a screwdriver in order to remove the tiny speakers, but I ended up cutting the wire on my first attempt, leaving one speaker out of commission. Recognizing my initial mistake, I used pliers and a wrench to remove the one functional headphone from its casing. I then removed the inner foam lining of the earmuffs and duct-taped the headphone speaker to the back of the lining. After replacing the piece of foam, I now had earmuffs with one headphone speaker in them. However, the cord of the headphones has a really sweet volume control and mute button. Admittedly, the sound quality is terrible. You only hear one channel, its fairly muted, and there's no bass whatsoever. But keep in mind, these Hobophones (tm) still have a really sweet volume control and mute button. (Pressing the mute button instantly turns the Hobophones (tm) back into normal noisecancelling earmuffs! Just like that!) Hobophones are not available in stores! We are only selling them factory direct! To order a pair (only one in stock), leave a comment with contact information for the whole world to see. Price varies from $10 - buying me dinner. In other news, I found a pumpernickel bagel and sugar-coated doughnut sitting outside of the Kohlberg Coffee Bar, still wrapped in celophane for eternal freshness! They were delicious, given that they're the first things I've eaten today besides some Tostitos and lemonade this morning. It's hard to say whether inventing Hobophones (tm) or the finding the food was a greater success. I highly doubt any amount of paper writing could top these two spectacular events, so I probably won't even bother trying... 5 comments|post comment

Evicted again! [18 May 2004|03:39pm] Current location: Mary Lyon 4306, but I swear I’m getting out of here before 4:00! Paper status: No change. No goddamn change. Mental condition: I am so screwed. The one stable home I thought I finally had has given me the boot. Or rather, tBlog LOVES the frock so much, I decided to move to LiveJournal. All of the original seven or eight posts that were tBlog have been transferred over. tBlog apparently is a hobo itself, and the website “is being moved to a new home,” so there was no way all you faithful readers could keep up with my minute-to-minute movements. I know hobos can’t be choosers, but this was ridiculous. Speaking of ridiculous… 2 comments|post comment

The morning after [18 May 2004|12:27pm] Current location: Mary Lyon 4306 Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done FREN025 long - 0/10 pgs, due last Friday FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs, due last Friday Mental condition: What do you mean it's already noon? But I woke up at 10! What the heck have I been doing for two hours!?! Certainly not working. Unfortunately, Musa will just have to wait for another night, because since my last post I have neither watched that nor accomplished anything else. But I was able to sleep in the sweet comfort of Andy's room. This room is so hobo. I e-mailed my FREN040 professor yesterday to inform him that I had dropped off the paper in the box outside his office. I had not in fact dropped off the paper at that time, and when I went over to Kohlberg all the doors were locked. If he comes in this morning, he may think me a liar. That would be a fair assumption for him to make. My Nalgene of stolen lemonade is holding out quite well, though I swear it tastes sweeter every time. I begin to wonder if artificial sugar can reproduce on own, even when stored in captivity. If so, I may start an artificial sugar plantation and forget about Francophone Cinema completely. In that case, I am near certain my parents would not permit me to return home. But it wouldn't matter much, because I could subsist on artificial sugar for the rest of my life, which would probably be no more than two, maybe three, months. If I have anywhere near as much success today as I had yesterday, I might be able to leave this godforesaken campus by early June... post comment

Victory! [18 May 2004|01:16am] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - 12/10 pgs, done! FREN025 long - 0/10 pgs, due last Friday FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs, due last Friday Mental condition: Elated and yet also sharp like a tack, alert like a hawk, and awesome like a ninja. And by awesome, I mean totally sweet. The FREN040 dissertation put up a good fight, but at last it has been defeated. It originally tried to trick me into thinking it wasn't going to be that long, a mere eight pages minimum. But oh so sneakily it grew to an enormous 12 pages, nearly (or exactly) 150% of its original size! Then the little punk was like, "Hey, you need to write me in French!" So I DID. Take that, Beaumarchais! Finally, in a last act of desperation, it cried out, "But (gasp), but (cough), but you need a bibliography!" So I trekked all the way down to the first floor of the library and retrieved the MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers. Like Marie Antoinette approaching the guillotine, the puke started squealing, and then I quickly and efficiently put it out of its misery. Now, I just have to clean up some of the blood before I begin the hunt again. I smell fear. Or maybe I'll go watch the Korean film Musa first, since I obviously am incapable of findng anything better to do... 3 comments|post comment

Pages written, food acquired [17 May 2004|05:13pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: HIST087 - 20/20 pgs, done FREN040 - ~10/10 pgs, almost done FREN025 long - 0/10 pgs, due last Friday FREN025 short - 0/5 pgs, due last Friday Mental condition: Resilient Having alternately worked and slept the entire afternoon in McCabe, I finally succeeded in writing three more pages for my FREN040 paper. Although I have technically reached the page limit, I'm not sure the paper will fly without a conclusion. So, I'm probably going to tack on at least one, maybe two more pages. Also, I was able to download and install Ultralingua language software on the computer. I thought this was going to be a huge success, worthy of bragging, but it turns out to be pretty crappy. At least it saves me from having to look up words in a real dictionary about half the time, and I no longer feel the compulsion to use my roommate's computer, which has the same crappy language software on it. The liberation near rivals that which I felt when abandoned yesterday. I had another pleasant surprise though: Dinner! Actually, the surprise was having a really good burger at John Harvards with none other than the Big Gay Mule and CPS, both '03. I am now very well fed and rather content. That "content," however, must now be "fed" into my papers! Oh man, scratch whatever I wrote for "mental condition," I'm definitely losing it. Presumably, this paper will bite the dust before my next post... post comment

Success and failure [17 May 2004|03:15pm] Current location: McCabe Library PC Lab Paper status: Slight editing has occurred. Mental condition: Without shoes or sandals on, I somehow feel lighter. I have had numerous successes this morning. They included: 1. Finding a quarter 2. Showering 3. Eating lunch at Tarble I have also had some failures, such as: 1. Not yet starting work on my papers. I hope to remedy this failure sometime in the next several hours/days. Also, the walk back from Mary Lyons to the campus reminded me how much walking sucks, and therefore I have scrapped all plans of walking back to Boston. Alright, I have a computer, I have two French/English dictionaries, I have my notes, I have my texts, I have my papers saved on my portable MP3/memory storage device. After I go hack up a lung in the bathroom, I think I'm actually going to get to work... post comment

Dissertations [17 May 2004|12:35pm] Current location: Mary Lyon 4306 Paper status: The calm before the storm Mental condition: Still sleepy, incoherent, and unkempt. I lied in my last post. I'm still here. I'm going to start working on my papers, hopefully finishing the FREN040 today, while Andy moves his crap to the room next door. Interestingly, this blog has proved a major distraction thus far. But I will still keep it updated for all the faithful readers out there. post comment

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